Powerful Beyond Measure

As the world has been preparing itself for the inevitable passing of Nelson Mandela, these words by Marianne Williamson have been brought to the forefront of the universal mind. I’ve yet to work out why so many people attribute this speech to Mr Mandela; he didn’t come up with this statement, nor did he quote it in his 1994 inauguration speech as is so often wrongly assumed. Either way, it's great and Ms Williamson has hit the nail on the head. 

This week past has been one the toughest weeks of my working life to date. Working on a tough script in a rehearsal room? No, that would come with set security of having a show to work towards. This week has involved diving full depth into the ocean of auditions; so much so that all of the material which I have presented for panels in this week alone adds up to almost an hour’s worth of work including drama, singing and music. The sort of week I can look back upon with pride and amazement at the power and potential of the human mind. Had I been asked before how long would it take me to get a one hour solo show together my answer would not have been a week, but here was the evidence that my body and mind were capable of it as long as I accepted the idea. The only barrier which prevented me beforehand was that in my head.

 

Not only were these auditions flying in one after another, they were highly musical. For anyone who doesn’t know me personally, my first singing lesson in my life was at drama school and I wasn’t set to take over from Idina Menzel any time soon. In fact, during my first ever solo during class I did a walk out- my thought process being ‘I don’t want to be here. Well, there’s the door’. No-one had anticipated it, my singing teacher had certainly never had someone dare to stop in a performance for him. While the class were bewildered and wondering what just happened, I was hyperventilating in the hallway outside as if something which actually merited such a reaction had just happened. 

 

Brought back in and made to get on with it before I was allowed to sit down, I had no choice but to face my fear. Avoiding it was not an option. That term I changed private tutor so the man who made me take action when it was the last thing I wanted or felt able to do would be my one-on-one coach alongside my class teacher, even coming in on Saturdays for some of his time. This all-action-no-pity attitude was the one which would bring results, which would give me bigger challenges to surmount and so, change and grow in the process. I’m sure he’s in line for a sainthood on account of patience with drama queens.

With hard work- staying in to sing in an empty house instead of going to parties alongside taking weekend classes on top of the 50 hours we studied on weekdays I graduated a much stronger singer and person than had entered. My first post-training job included solo singing and I did the great job I was trained to do. Yet there’s still a first year inside of me breathing erratically every time I’m requested to sing. They may the size of a thimble, but they’re there. I accept it, I just don't wait to feel ok. Taking action will make me feel ready, waiting til I feel ready will prevent me from ever taking action.

 

And so, the week of Audition Mountain arrives and in the midst of the requests asked of me, one director asks me to prepare one monologue and one song. Accapella. Either classical or operatic. ‘No problem’ I say, ‘I’ll get on it’. And I do. My current singing teacher is surprised to say the least but off we go, working on my first ever classical piece unsure of how it’ll go. I return to my student years, stay in the house and work for hours every day until it’s show time along with organising my time for the ten other pieces I have to perform that week. As Aristotle said "We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit".

I’m mastering the juggling act, when in a last minute turn of events, the man I chose to walk beside is suddenly travelling over 2,500 miles to go on stage in Armenia with a few days’ notice. Of course he doesn’t need me to organise what he’s perfectly capable of, but the luxury of catching up at the weekend instead is gone. All items of importance must be looked after, and this is up at the top. The machine keeps turning, the wheels are still in motion. 

Everyday has to be given full focused attention; there isn’t the luxury of an hour catching up with Gail Platt and her friends on Corrie unless it’s been accounted for and still leaves room to work for the next day. Each day comes and goes smoothly with the work I’ve conscientiously prepared going as it should, time for a weekly singing lesson doesn’t go overlooked, and time with those closest is still paramount. Even my classical song comes out note perfect as if I've had a voice transplant, leaving me masking my relief and surprise at my capabilities.

By the end of the week, I have to reschedule headshots having been called back in for a recall for one of the auditions; my voice has explored folk music, classical music & musical theatre, my hands and jaw have been stiff from the tin whistle and my brain is bursting with new pieces and the new books I’ve read. There’s enough time for a face mask and a Star Wars movie before rehearsals begin for a different project the following day- one to thankfully keep my mind busy instead of obsessing over which days from the previous week will translate into job offers. I look back on the week and am amazed at the power of the human brain. 

Every single inch of space in my mind has been used to its full potential. I’ve conquered new extremes in banking lines into my memory and have dared to go to places which are challenging for even professional singers. Being so busy left no time for fear, no time to question whether I would even get it done, only the urgency to make sure I did. I’m inspired: there is a brain inside my head ready to support any idea as long as I let go of the surrounding fear. The key is diving in, don't worry about how you'll do it. Trust that you'll work it out, no problem will be insurmountable- all you have to do is commit.

Who knows what I’ll achieve with my renewed consciousness of the power of the subconscious??